The Consequences of Perfectionism

Perfectionism – After 60 years of trying to live up to the idea that I need to do things better, faster, quieter, prettier, and yes even “funner”, I have decided to take that idea and throw it away. Perfectionism does not bring me joy, it gives me a reason to think that I am less than, that I will never live up to mine or anyone else’s expectations.

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Perfectionism and comparison go together. I think it’s easy to measure ourselves based on someone else’s standards. We see picture-perfect people and homes and closets and bodies on social media, and we think we must live up to that. But #1 – a lot of that isn’t real or isn’t as it seems and #2 – I guarantee that most of those people are trying to live up to someone else. It’s human nature to compare and to crave. But you never know what someone else is going through. You never know what they wish they had. You might be jealous of someone else or trying to look as perfect as someone else, but I promise you they don’t think they’re perfect. 

Letting Go of Perfectionism: A Lifelong Journey

If you are comparing yourself to others or trying to reflect an outer appearance of perfection, whether in real life or on social media, it’s time to give yourself a break. NO ONE is perfect. Everyone’s definition of perfection is different. You are trying to live up to impossible standards that don’t exist.

If you’re constantly striving toward perfection, then it may lead to an array of mental health problems. But there are steps you can take to help you learn to improve your overall well-being.

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Jason Drake, a licensed clinical social worker, stated that “in order to overcome or manage perfectionism, you need to become aware of your thoughts and behaviors around your perfectionism”.

The Hidden Mental Health Costs of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is often linked to depression and anxiety and can lead to great frustration, fear, and self-sabotage. When the pressure gets really intense, it can even lead to a paralyzing fear of failure. I’m not talking about the drive and need to excel because there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m talking about the constant need to control the outcome of every possible situation.

To my great frustration, my perfectionism has the opposite of the desired effect: I become worse at what I what I do. I am no longer able to be flexible, experimental, and curious. I notice that when my perfectionist tendencies are at their strongest, my creativity doesn’t flow, and I can’t show up in my relationships the way I want to. When my perfectionism feels extra strong, I self-sabotage by just not showing up at all. I choose the disappointment of what could have been over the potential pain of being confronted with my own shortcomings.

Healthy Self-Reflection vs. Perfectionism: What’s the Difference?

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The difference between healthy self-reflection and perfectionism feels very clear to me. When my perfectionist tendencies show up, my body becomes tense, my breathing shallow, and my thoughts scattered. I want to immediately go and fix things and drop whatever else I was doing at that moment. Perfectionism can be seen as a positive force for improvement and progress, but it does not come from a positive place. It is a fear-based approach, and underneath it lies a fear that if we are not perfect at what we set out to do, we are not good enough. And because we set the standards impossibly high for ourselves, we will probably not live up to them. Underneath it lies a fear of criticism, not just from others but mostly from us. When someone finds fault in what we do, that is the confirmation of what we feared all along: that we simply are not good enough at what we care about the most.

While, for some people, perfectionism brings them great success in their careers, it often comes with a high cost. It can lead to frustration, exhaustion, and burnout. The intense pressure we put on ourselves can rob us of our joy and peace.

With all of that said I realize that that these are lessons we all need to learn for ourselves. My hope is that give each other the permission to show ourselves love and kindness and grace and be ourselves with all our beautiful imperfections. If you’re interested in beginning therapy for perfectionism, our therapists at Bridger Peaks Counseling are here to support your journey!

Ready to Embrace Imperfection and Find Joy?

Perfectionism can be a heavy burden, but you don’t have to carry it alone. If you’re ready to break free from the impossible standards and rediscover your creativity, peace, and self-acceptance, we’re here to help.

At Bridger Peaks Counseling, we provide a compassionate space to explore these challenges and develop healthier ways to live authentically. Let’s work together to help you overcome the grip of perfectionism and start living life on your terms.

  1. Contact us today to schedule a session.

  2. Learn more about perfectionism by exploring our blogs.

  3. Take the first step toward embracing your beautifully imperfect self.

Additional Services We Offer in Bozeman & Missoula, MT

At Bridger Peaks Counseling, we’re dedicated to offering a diverse range of mental health services to support your unique needs. Our therapists provide teen counseling, group therapy, Rising Strong workshops, and body image counseling. We also offer specialized care for depression, grief and loss, and online therapy options. Other services include EMDR, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, and psychiatric care.

Navigating Substance Use During the Holiday Season

The holiday season can bring with it a mix of emotions and unique challenges, especially when it comes to managing substance use. Parties, family gatherings, and even solo traditions can stir up emotions or stress that lead to increased drinking or use of other substances. If you’re someone navigating these pressures, you’re not alone. Let’s explore some mindful approaches to support you through this season.

Understand Your Triggers

Holidays bring out a variety of emotional triggers—some joyful, others more complex. These triggers could be tied to family dynamics, expectations, loneliness, or loss. Reflect on the people, places, and events that may heighten your urge to use substances. Knowing your triggers ahead of time allows you to prepare for them with tools like grounding exercises, and self-care routines that will help you stay grounded or increase insight into those you should avoid.

Set Realistic Goals for Yourself

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Set realistic, attainable goals that feel manageable and take into consideration your goals around your relationship with substances. If total abstinence is your goal, create a plan that will support that, such as enlisting accountability partners or having an exit strategy for gatherings that might test your limits. If you’re aiming to cut back, decide in advance what amounts your comfortable with or when you'll call it a night. Setting smaller goals helps make each step achievable, giving you a sense of control rather than rigidity, which often results in overindulgence, rather than intentionality.

Have a Support System in Place

Your support system is invaluable, especially during high-stress times like the holidays. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or recovery group, share your intentions and concerns with those who can provide nonjudgmental support. Having someone you trust on standby—someone who can check in with you during or after events—can reinforce your resolve and make it easier to stick to your goals.

Find Non-Substance-Related Ways to Celebrate

Think about incorporating some new traditions or self-care practices that don’t involve substances. Maybe it’s a morning walk before or after a big meal, a new recipe to try, or a substance-free treat that you love. These practices can help you stay connected to the true meaning of the holiday season and give you something to look forward to that won’t disrupt your progress.

Prepare Responses to Social Pressure

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Social situations can often be tricky, especially if friends or family aren’t aware of your goals. Prepare a few polite, but firm, responses if someone offers you a drink or other substances. A simple, “I’m taking it easy this season,” or “I’ve got an early morning,” can be all you need to divert the pressure. Being prepared with something you’re comfortable saying can increase the likelihood that pressures or temptations will not sway you. Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond what feels comfortable.

Practice Self-Compassion

No journey is perfect, and if you find yourself encountering setbacks, don’t be too hard on yourself. Recognize that setbacks are a normal part of change and growth. Use these moments as opportunities to reflect on what you could do differently next time and forgive yourself with compassion. Take it one day at a time, and give yourself credit for each positive step forward.

Reach Out for Help if You Need It

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The holidays are an emotional time, but they don’t have to disrupt your journey to a healthier relationship with substances. Embrace the season as an opportunity to grow, reflect, and celebrate the positive steps you’re making. You are stronger than you think, and with the right strategies, you can navigate this time with confidence and grace.

If the holiday season feels overwhelming and you’re struggling to stay on track, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Therapists, recovery coaches, and support groups are there to guide you through challenging moments and provide tools to help you succeed.

If you need support navigating your relationship with substances or the challenges of the holiday season, our team of caring therapists would be honored to help you in your journey.

Get Started with Bridger Peaks Counseling Today

Navigating the holidays while managing substance use can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Our addiction therapists are here to support you with personalized tools and strategies to help you stay on track with your goals. Start your journey toward a healthier, more balanced relationship with substances today. Let’s work together to make this season one of growth and resilience. Follow the steps below to get started:

  1. Make an appointment online

  2. Meet with one of our professional Bozeman therapists

  3. Learn how our addiction therapy can help you thrive during this holiday season!

Additional Services We Offer in Bozeman & Missoula, MT

At Bridger Peaks Counseling, we’re dedicated to offering a diverse range of mental health services to support your unique needs. Our therapists provide teen counseling, group therapy, Rising Strong workshops, and body image counseling. We also offer specialized care for depression, grief and loss, and online therapy options. Other services include EMDR, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, and psychiatric care.