I’m sitting here writing this with a very full heart. I think the best times to write things are when your heart is very full, with either joy or sorrow. Thankfully, I am writing today with a heart full of joy. When I reflect on what pieces of life can fill a heart with joy—or sorrow—I think first about communities. I have a community of people who care for me, love me, and correct me when I need it. But this was not always the case.
Self Isolation From Friends & Family in Bozeman, MT
For many years I lived a life believing that I was completely, tragically, unjustly alone and unloved. I bemoaned the circumstances of my life and knew, just knew if people actually knew me, they wouldn’t like me. So, I preemptively made that decision for them and then swam in my own sea of sadness. But wait, didn’t I start out saying my heart was full of joy? You’re right, and great catch! So, what happened then? How did I get from an isolated existence to a group of friends who support and choose to love one another? Well, it was difficult and uncomfortable. But, I will lay out the basics of my journey here in a hope that it will give you some guideposts to use.
Reaching Out & Setting boundaries in Bozeman, MT
Addressing my own mental health
First, I had to ask hard questions about myself. I evaluated who I felt I was and how I interacted with everyone around me. I discovered that I was living a life based on fear. I was afraid that if people saw me, the truest, most real me, I would be too much, and then I would be rejected—and that would hurt even more than my imagined rejection. So, I hid in a shroud of self-deprecating humor and stoicism.
Questioning my fears
Next, I demanded evidence about the rejection I ardently claimed I felt. And honestly, there was evidence of rejection—plenty of it. But, more than that, there was general confusion. My friends were confused about how to treat me when I would seemingly seek out companionship and then balk at any hint that they wanted to know me better. I was confused about myself, too. How could I call out for acceptance and dance away from any form of intimacy?
Being Brave & Sharing Pieces of Myself
With this in mind, the next step was very, very hard. I had to be brave. I had to be bold. I tiptoed into the world, reaching out to the friends who had stuck it out with me throughout my confusing waltz in and out of their lives. I made the first move. I shared pieces of myself, small pieces that I felt were a bit sturdier than the rest of me. And I held my breath, bracing for the hard rebuff that could maybe shatter me. But, it didn’t come.
I couldn’t believe it. I shared me and didn’t get tossed out? This bolstered my resilience little by little until I was able to share bigger pieces. It was and is a slow process. I am not trying to fool you into thinking that there has never been hurt, sometimes even hurt I wondered if I could heal from, but, the times where I was seen and loved anyway, loved because of and despite my quirks, those are times I would not ever change. So, my community was built on a conscious effort to seek out safe people and practice being vulnerable. It. Is. So. Scary. It’s hard. However, it is worth it.
Healthy Communities & Mental Health in Bozeman, MT
If you’re wondering what a healthy community looks like, here are some fundamentals:
Your people should respect your boundaries and be okay with slow progress at times.
Relationships should have a mutual give and take—there will be times you take more than you give and give more than you take, but it should not only be one way all the time.
You should feel okay being transparent.
There should be a feeling of respect and consideration.
You should be challenged.
Final Thoughts From a Therapist in Bozeman, MT
None of us is perfect, and that means our communities won’t be either. Strive for health over perfection and when in doubt, I like to err on the side of giving a little more grace. Looking back, it is the times when I have been extended unmerited favor that has shown me how compassionate people can be, and I want to be this for others, too. Keep in mind that there is not one person on this earth who can be everything for you all the time.
Your community will need you, too. It will benefit from your strengths and individuality. If you’re looking for a new community that makes your heart full of joy, take an honest look at your circumstances. I believe you have the power to make changes for a healthier you. It is going to take risks. Along with so much courage! We are here for you, and I am excited to see what’s next.
Begin Family Counseling for Mental Health in Bozeman, MT
At Bridger Peaks Counseling we understand that building a healthy community can feel hard when trying it alone. Marriage and family therapy in Bozeman, MT can help you take the first step in setting boundaries in your community. Our team of skilled Bozeman counselors is here to help you through the process. We will walk with you as you build the courage to step out and start setting boundaries within your healthy community. Start by scheduling an appointment at our Bozeman, MT counseling practice today.
Other services for mental health Bozeman, MT.
At Bridger Peaks Counseling in Bozeman, MT we offer many mental health services. Looking to attend individual therapy? We offer therapy for stress, anxiety counseling, and depression therapy. To process past trauma, we offer EMDR Therapy. For mothers, our Bozeman, MT therapists can provide postpartum depression counseling. At Bridger Peaks, we offer in-person services at our Bozeman counseling practice or online therapy in Montana.
Mercedes Machado
BS, Counseling Intern