Have a holly, jolly Christmas, it’s the best time of the year! But is it really?
These promoted and normalized phrases can be pretty common this time of year but for some of us these phrases can be difficult to receive or emote. Often times, there is not much consideration for those who feel the absence of merry, holly, jolly, or happy. What about melancholy? Pensive? Sad? Or Depressed? These emotions are just as normal this time of year but seem to be lacking in holiday promotion. Are you feeling melancholy? Sad? Depressed? You are not alone.

As I have transitioned into marriage, I have been confronted with the emotionally charged decision to spend holidays with my family or my husband’s family. This may seem like a trivial problem amongst the sea of other holiday time aches, however, it has significantly affected my experience of the holidays. With each year that passes, a bit of seasonal joy has dissipated and has been replaced with feelings of melancholy.

For me, not only are holidays logistically and familially different but there is also a sense of loss that comes up when thinking of holidays past. There is no denying that I have experienced aching pangs of nostalgia for the magic of December and all that it used to be to me. Has this happened to you?

There are many other factors that may contribute to difficult feelings this time of year. For example, there can be an expectation to spend time with family or friends. When feeling down or sad, this can be a challenge! What if your friends and family do not understand? What if they are upset with you? Sometimes the family we are obliged to spend time with do not emulate the warm, safe, comforting feelings we yearn for in times of struggle. The holiday season can proclaim a message of warmth and unity and can feel just the opposite depending on who you are with.

Along with family time, there can be a societal message that the holiday spirit is about showing love- with spirit and through gifts! This can be difficult, as some are not in a place to meet the emotional or financial expectation of showing love in the Holiday way. This can majorly contribute to emotional compromise.

If you are anything like me and sometimes struggle with the onset of the Holiday season, here are some ways to navigate the season:

Self-Care

While the Christmas music instructs indulgence in others- treat yourself! Yes, this may be buying a special book or magazine to cuddle up in, or finding a snowy trail that has been sparsely touched by others and adventuring with your body, your heart, and your thoughts.

My favorite Christmas morning was two years ago when I ventured out solo for a long walk in the snow. Peaceful.

Self-Compassion

Perhaps what you are needing most is permission to feel the way that you do. Can you offer yourself that? As I acknowledge my feelings of melancholy, I find it helpful to place my hand on my heart and speak aloud, “Wow, this is so hard to feel this way and it is okay that I feel sad.” In this process I offer myself space to be feeling outside of what might be expected this time of year.

Connection.

Christmas boasts about connection, love, and unity- when that feels inaccessible or incongruent to your feelings of sadness or melancholy, find alternative ways to connect in your community that feel appropriate. If it isn’t with friends or family, perhaps seeking out ways to volunteer your heart and time. Doing a deed for someone else brings a touch of light to your day.

If the content of this message connects to you and you are wanting to explore how the counseling process may support you, please reach out.

It is Tess’ privilege to walk alongside individuals who are going through struggle and brokenness and to join them in the pursuit of healing and growth. She believes that people are capable of great change and growth, and at times, change and growth is difficult to navigate alone. Her approach to counseling explores themes of attachment and relational wounds that inform a person’s present position in life and in relation to others. With gentleness, trust, and empathy she aims to foster a secure relationship that invites vulnerability and encourages the confidence to explore maladaptive patterns. Her goal is to help reveal resources, understanding and compassion to areas of dysfunction.

Counseling functions as a relationship and is most effective when safety and security are cultivated. Her goal is to offer a relationship unique to your personal goals of healing and change. I welcome the opportunity to get to know you and be a part of your life journey.