As Thanksgiving quickly approaches, and the rest of the holiday season on its heals, you may find yourself concerned about how to maintain your sobriety during all of the parties, friendsgivings dinners, and other holiday festivities. The holiday season can be a time of year that drinking patterns increase because of all of the events combined with complicated emotions regarding holidays. From unrealistic expectations, to changes in diet and sleep schedules, as well as financial strain and travel complications...few of us actually have holiday experiences that include the picture perfect family life shown in Holiday films.
If you are new to sobriety you may be spending your first holiday alcohol free, and this can mean a variety of different experiences depending on what your life is like. It could look like loneliness being far from loved ones, or you are smack dab in the middle of old patterns of family conflict which may include customs and traditions steeped in alcohol; it may be tempting to drink alcohol to cope with such feelings. Being away from your recovery support system and sober routine can make the holidays a time you find you are more vulnerable to cravings and lapses in recovery.
The good news is that there is no need to avoid all holiday festivities. If you prepare for the season ahead, you can maintain the gift of sobriety! Below are 6 practical tips for navigating the holiday season, which are helpful for people in recovery along with people who would just like to cut back on their alcohol consumption.with a
1. Start with a Plan-Have Sober Strategies in Place
If you know that you are going to be around family members, friends, or coworkers that may trigger you to drink, plan ahead. Having a plan of how to navigate different situations will help you feel confident in your decision to live sober. Plans may include scheduling additional appointments with your counselor, attending recovery meetings before or following festivities, bringing a support person along to events and driving yourself to ensure that you can leave when you feel you are ready without relying on someone else to take you home. Another helpful plan is to check in with a recovery support person or peer by phone before and after the events. Additionally, planning your boundaries ahead of time will enable you to feel confident around people who may be difficult. Limiting time and having an “escape plan” is ok! Know your triggers ahead of time, this could make all the difference.
2. Adjust Your Attitude
You may find it incredibly helpful to talk with your therapist/counselor, a sponsor, or a friend/peer, who understands recovery, in the weeks leading up to big holiday events. Explore expectations, emotions and holiday rituals that come up this time of year. Adjusting your attitude can be done by remembering that the people in your life are likely feeling stressed and overwhelmed during the holidays too. This awareness will help you manage expectations and adjust your attitude.
Keeping your attitude adjusted in the days following a holiday or celebration is also an important thing to focus on. Some people in recovery will find that the built up stress and resentments following time with family and friends on holidays can lead to relapse. Pay attention to your thoughts that may lead you to the frame of mind that you “deserve” a drink because of how hard it was to go through the chaos of the holiday season. Additionally, be aware of the sneaking thoughts that tell you, “I handled that so well not drinking! Maybe I do not have a real problem with alcohol and can drink regularly.” These types of thoughts will lead you down the path of relapse. If they come up for you, talk with your counselor, sponsor or recovery support peers. And try to get back into the routine that has served you well in recovery.
3. Stay Busy! - Be of service
The holidays provide many opportunities to be helpful to those around us. Luckily, when we do things for others it also acts as a distraction from cravings and obsessive thoughts. Some people even find it helpful to volunteer at places that serve people in the community who are less fortunate. HRDC here in Bozeman has many volunteer opportunities. Showing up for others can help remind you to be grateful for all that you have. Other ideas include, making food or other gifts for family, neighbors, friends and people in your community. If you are physically able, shovel snow for those who may not have the ability to do that. Reach out to people who you think may be feeling especially lonely this time of year. Explore different ways to stay busy and be helpful to others, find what works best for you and put your efforts into that.
4. Practice Mindfulness.
Prepare how you will respond to people offering you alcohol. Knowing what you will say can be helpful so you are not scrambling in the moment. People who do not know you are in recovery may ask you why you are not drinking. Having a planned response can help you stay calm and avoid temptations. Examples include “I am driving tonight,” or “I am choosing not to drink for my health.” Think about a response that would feel safe and comfortable for you.
Another way to be mindful, is to bring your own favorite non-alcoholic beverages. Choose a festive non alcoholic sparkling cider or juice which will help you feel part of the celebration. Additionally, keeping a non-alcoholic drink in your hand will limit people offering to bring you a drink.
Be mindful of emotions that come up during events and take care of yourself. If you need to leave an event early because you are feeling overwhelmed, that is perfectly ok! If you had the flu at a holiday party, you would likely go home to take care of yourself. Think of your emotional and mental health needs the same way. They need the same focus and priority as physical health needs.
5. Avoid Risks or Triggers
While you work on mindfulness, consider what things or people may be risks to your sobriety. If you have family members who encourage drinking or simply irritate you with their behavior, it is ok to limit contact with them. Additionally, if you know that your annual Friendsgiving is a boozefest, you can make clear boundaries about what you are able to participate in. Saying that you have to leave by 8:00 pm before things get more wild is a good way to protect yourself from riskier moments. It is also perfectly acceptable to not attend at all this year. Putting your sobriety first will ensure that you are at your best for holidays for years to come.
6. Self Care!!
Ensure that you are taking care of yourself in a holistic way. Getting enough sleep, exercise and nutrition will allow you to be better prepared for any triggers that may arise. If you find yourself exhausted and hungry, chances of a lapse will increase. Check in with yourself about what your needs are and if you need help from someone, make sure that you ask for it. Talk with your counselor about how to identify your needs and ways that you can get those needs met. Find time for yourself each day for relaxation and meditation.
The holidays do not have to be a time of great stress regarding alcohol and sobriety. If you pay close attention to what your needs are and assess for potential triggers or risk, you can get through this season with your sobriety and peace of mind intact.
Happy Holidays from the clinicians at Bridger Peaks Counseling.
About the Author:
AUTUMN CLOWES, MS, PCLC
Autumn believes that each individual and every couple has within them the capacity for growth and profound strength. She loves helping the people I work with to feel empowered to face and overcome challenges and shed the debilitating effects of shame.
She encourages clients to call to schedule an appointment with her, and together we can build a relationship that will be a foundation for growth. She holds a Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling from Montana State University and am a professional candidate working on licensure. Her strengths include working with people who have experienced trauma, issues surrounding sexuality and sexual orientation, grief and loss, and self harming behaviors. I also have a deep desire to help people who struggle with addictive behaviors to conquer the guilt and shame that often go along with those struggles.
