Navigating Substance Use During the Holiday Season

The holiday season can bring with it a mix of emotions and unique challenges, especially when it comes to managing substance use. Parties, family gatherings, and even solo traditions can stir up emotions or stress that lead to increased drinking or use of other substances. If you’re someone navigating these pressures, you’re not alone. Let’s explore some mindful approaches to support you through this season.

Understand Your Triggers

Holidays bring out a variety of emotional triggers—some joyful, others more complex. These triggers could be tied to family dynamics, expectations, loneliness, or loss. Reflect on the people, places, and events that may heighten your urge to use substances. Knowing your triggers ahead of time allows you to prepare for them with tools like grounding exercises, and self-care routines that will help you stay grounded or increase insight into those you should avoid.

Set Realistic Goals for Yourself

Set realistic, attainable goals that feel manageable and take into consideration your goals around your relationship with substances. If total abstinence is your goal, create a plan that will support that, such as enlisting accountability partners or having an exit strategy for gatherings that might test your limits. If you’re aiming to cut back, decide in advance what amounts your comfortable with or when you'll call it a night. Setting smaller goals helps make each step achievable, giving you a sense of control rather than rigidity, which often results in overindulgence, rather than intentionality.

Have a Support System in Place

Your support system is invaluable, especially during high-stress times like the holidays. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or recovery group, share your intentions and concerns with those who can provide nonjudgmental support. Having someone you trust on standby—someone who can check in with you during or after events—can reinforce your resolve and make it easier to stick to your goals.

Find Non-Substance-Related Ways to Celebrate

Think about incorporating some new traditions or self-care practices that don’t involve substances. Maybe it’s a morning walk before or after a big meal, a new recipe to try, or a substance-free treat that you love. These practices can help you stay connected to the true meaning of the holiday season and give you something to look forward to that won’t disrupt your progress.

Prepare Responses to Social Pressure

Social situations can often be tricky, especially if friends or family aren’t aware of your goals. Prepare a few polite, but firm, responses if someone offers you a drink or other substances. A simple, “I’m taking it easy this season,” or “I’ve got an early morning,” can be all you need to divert the pressure. Being prepared with something you’re comfortable saying can increase the likelihood that pressures or temptations will not sway you. Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond what feels comfortable.

Practice Self-Compassion

No journey is perfect, and if you find yourself encountering setbacks, don’t be too hard on yourself. Recognize that setbacks are a normal part of change and growth. Use these moments as opportunities to reflect on what you could do differently next time and forgive yourself with compassion. Take it one day at a time, and give yourself credit for each positive step forward.

Reach Out for Help if You Need It

The holidays are an emotional time, but they don’t have to disrupt your journey to a healthier relationship with substances. Embrace the season as an opportunity to grow, reflect, and celebrate the positive steps you’re making. You are stronger than you think, and with the right strategies, you can navigate this time with confidence and grace.

If the holiday season feels overwhelming and you’re struggling to stay on track, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Therapists, recovery coaches, and support groups are there to guide you through challenging moments and provide tools to help you succeed.

If you need support navigating your relationship with substances or the challenges of the holiday season, our team of caring therapists would be honored to help you in your journey.

Get Started with Bridger Peaks Counseling Today

Navigating the holidays while managing substance use can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Our addiction therapists are here to support you with personalized tools and strategies to help you stay on track with your goals. Start your journey toward a healthier, more balanced relationship with substances today. Let’s work together to make this season one of growth and resilience. Follow the steps below to get started:

1. Make an appointment online

2. Meet with one of our professional Bozeman therapists

3. Learn how our addiction therapy can help you thrive during this holiday season!

Additional Services We Offer in Bozeman & Missoula, MT

At Bridger Peaks Counseling, we’re dedicated to offering a diverse range of mental health services to support your unique needs. Our therapists provide teen counseling, group therapy, Rising Strong workshops, and body image counseling. We also offer specialized care for depression, grief and loss, and online therapy options. Other services include EMDR, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, and psychiatric care.

Map Making for Healthy Love

Building a healthy relationship is no easy feat. It requires effort, patience, understanding, and an ongoing commitment from both partners. Dr. John Gottman remains one of the prominent figures in relationship research. Gottman's work, spanning over four decades, provides valuable insights into what makes relationships thrive and, conversely, what leads to their breakdown. His findings offer us clear principles for fostering healthy, lasting partnerships.

By standing on the shoulders of giants, here are some key insights I can offer to consider for your own relationship: 

1. Build a Strong "Love Map"

One of the foundational aspects of a healthy relationship, according to Gottman, is maintaining a strong "love map." A love map refers to the deep understanding partners have of each other’s inner worlds, such as their dreams, goals, fears, and experiences. It's about knowing your partner’s likes and dislikes, their stresses, their joys, and the intricate details of their life.

Couples with a strong love map are more likely to weather challenges because they feel more connected and understood. Gottman’s research suggests that couples who regularly ask questions about each other’s emotional worlds and stay curious about one another develop a stronger emotional connection. Simple questions like "How was your day?" or "What's been on your mind lately?" go a long way in maintaining this bond. Ask away, and make sure you’re pausing to really listen. We live in the mundane details. 

Tip: Make time to check in with your partner regularly, whether through daily conversations or setting aside time each week for deeper talks. This not only strengthens emotional intimacy but also fosters a sense of security and trust in the relationship.

2. Foster a Culture of Appreciation and Respect

According to Gottman, one of the greatest predictors of relationship success is the ratio of positive to negative interactions. In healthy relationships, this ratio is at least 5:1—meaning that for every negative interaction (such as a disagreement, criticism, or undue control), there are five positive ones (such as compliments, expressions of affection, or shared laughter).

Gottman emphasizes the importance of fostering a "culture of appreciation" in relationships. Couples who regularly express gratitude and affection, and who acknowledge each other's strengths and contributions, are more likely to feel satisfied and supported in their relationship. Even small gestures of appreciation can have a profound impact.

Tip: Practice expressing appreciation regularly. Make it a habit to acknowledge what you value in your partner, whether it’s thanking them for taking care of a task, complimenting their strengths, or simply expressing how much they mean to you.

3. Turn Toward Each Other, Not Away

In his research, Gottman found that couples who "turn toward" each other during moments of stress or need are far more likely to stay together than those who turn away. Turning toward your partner means responding to their bids for attention, support, or connection with empathy and engagement. For instance, if your partner reaches out for comfort or shares a worry, turning toward them would involve actively listening and offering support rather than dismissing or ignoring their feelings.

This principle speaks to the importance of emotional responsiveness in a relationship. When partners consistently turn toward each other, they build trust, emotional intimacy, and a sense of security. On the other hand, when partners turn away—either by ignoring or reacting negatively—they risk creating emotional distance and resentment. 

Tip: Be mindful of your partner's bids for connection, and respond with care. Whether it’s a casual comment or a deep emotional disclosure, make an effort to show that you’re engaged and willing to be there for them. If your partner does not seem willing to be vulnerable, focus effort on points 1 and 2, and see what happens. 

4. Manage Conflict Effectively

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how couples manage conflict is a key predictor of relationship success or failure. Gottman identifies four behaviors, which he calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," that can doom a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These behaviors, when present over time, erode the foundation of a relationship and lead to disconnection.

In contrast, healthy couples practice constructive conflict resolution. This includes using "soft startups" (approaching a problem with gentleness rather than blame), taking responsibility for one's actions, expressing feelings without attacking the other person, and being willing to compromise. Importantly, successful couples also make time to repair after conflict, which means taking steps to restore connection and understanding.

Tip: When conflicts arise, try to stay calm and avoid the Four Horsemen behaviors. Focus on expressing your own feelings and needs without blaming your partner, and be open to finding a solution that works for both of you. Use I-focused statements such as “Spending time together is really important to me. When that doesn't happen, I feel disconnected from you.” 

5. Shared Meaning and Common Goals

A thriving relationship is not just about emotional connection, but also about shared values, goals, and dreams. Couples who create a shared sense of meaning—whether through family traditions, shared interests, or long-term life goals—are more likely to feel deeply bonded. This sense of shared purpose gives partners a feeling of working as a team toward a common future, which strengthens their commitment and connection.

Tip: Take time to discuss your values, dreams, and long-term goals with your partner. Whether it’s planning a future together or finding activities that bring you both joy, cultivating shared meaning can enhance your relationship.

Closing Thoughts from a Marriage Counselor in Bozeman, MT

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, emotional responsiveness, and effective conflict management. Dr. John Gottman’s research provides a roadmap for how couples can foster these elements and create a relationship that stands the test of time. By building strong love maps, cultivating appreciation, turning toward each other, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning, couples can enhance their connection and build a lasting partnership.

As you navigate your relationship, remember that these principles take time and effort to develop. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work to strengthen your bond, and know that with intention and care, you can build a relationship that thrives. If this feels out of reach, or you need extra support in exploring this connection, reach out to a mental health professional at Bridger Peaks Counseling to build more skills for your emotional toolbox. 

Strengthen Your Connection with Couples Therapy in Bozeman, MT

Building a healthy, thriving relationship is possible with the right tools and support. If you and your partner are ready to strengthen your connection, manage conflict more effectively, or simply foster a deeper sense of shared meaning, Bridger Peaks Counseling is here to help. Our compassionate therapists are trained to guide couples through challenges and create lasting change.

1. Reach out to us here.

2. Learn more about our team at Bridger Peaks Counseling.

3. Discover how our couples counseling can help support your relationship.

Additional Services We Offer in Bozeman & Missoula, MT

At Bridger Peaks Counseling, we’re dedicated to offering a diverse range of mental health services to support your unique needs. Our compassionate team provides addiction counseling, teen counseling, group therapy, Rising Strong workshops, and body image counseling. We also offer specialized care for depression, grief and loss, and online therapy options. Other services include EMDR, postpartum anxiety and depression counseling, and psychiatric care.

Information interpreted from the following source: 

Gottman, J., Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. United States: Harmony/Rodale.