At the age of 29 I felt called to join a religious order. I am referencing what years ago would be thought of as a convent. It was an odd thing to get a calling post having kids and not really wanting to live in a convent or give up all worldly possessions. But my journey took me to explore religious orders in my lifelong church that offer ways to participate (and do not require leaving your life and committing to a cloistered community). Which was good news for my kids.

My exploration became a lengthy, years long, process. The first step of many is to reflect on and explore the real reasons one wishes to join a religious order. Was it to escape? Was it to feel needed? As much as I would love to share it was altruism and selfless devotion, there were other more selfish reasons.

For one- I reflected on my need to help others and was it truly to selflessly help or was I expecting something in return?

Part of joining the order was to spend time in solitude and I was fortunate enough that my mentor could provide me with such a contemplative place. However, once there I reflected on how selfish it felt to be doing something for myself instead of being with my family.

Finally, I became aware of my very deep need for feeling forgiven. Again, something my mentor was able to provide as I underwent a (very) lengthy deep dive into my past and all the things I had been hiding and protecting.

The years spent prior to joining the order were experiencing reflective time, lots of time with my mentor, more reflective time, and time in service to the community where I lived.

What does this have to do with counseling? Years later I reflect that a calling is an awakening to become more than what we currently are. And I put out to you that in entering into the therapeutic relationship, you also have been called to become more.

As I reflect on what I needed at that time in my life, I have come up with some thoughts:

1. I liked the flow of the day that kept me grounded. The times for reflection reminded me to enjoy the day rather than racing ahead of myself.

2. The connection to and trust I had with my mentor to explore and forgive myself for things I had been holding on to for years felt like a release. Although confession got VERY TEDIOUS it was a reminder that letting go is a continual process.

3. Feeling part of the community I had existed in but not really connected to in a way that felt purposeful. By this I mean I volunteered more in my community and became aware of needs other than my own.

Ultimately what I learned was probably the most precious lesson of all- letting go. The relinquishment of time, expectations, guilt, my past, my future. Not worldly goods but those things that kept me from myself.

Go sell what you own.