Embarking on a fitness journey is often a testament of our commitment to self-improvement, but what happens when the emotional challenges outweigh the physical ones? In this raw and introspective blog, I share my personal struggles as I once again venture into the realm of working out, and how this time feels different, prompting me to reflect on the reasons behind the emotional hurdles.

The Mirror Reflects More Than Skin Deep: As I lace up my sneakers and face the gym mirrors, the reflection staring back at me speaks of more than just the waiting physical changes. It’s a canvas painted with the marks of time-- wrinkles, creases, and the undeniable signs of aging. The realization that my body has transformed over the years triggers a shift in how I perceive myself and my journey, not only to fitness, but through the rest of life.

The Fear of Another False Start: The echoes of past attempts at fitness loudly reverberate in my mind. The numerous false starts and unfinished fitness endeavors create a looming cloud of doubt. Will I be able to stick with it this time? The fear of failure, the worry about commitment, and the anxiety over reliving past disappointments cast shadows over my uncertainty and questions.

Battling Burnout: I have been here before, too many times. The burnout from previous fitness pursuits weighs heavy on me. The exhaustion, both physical and mental, from pushing myself too hard without proper balance threatens to resurface. The fear of reaching that point again looms, making me question my ability to sustain the journey and remind me why I have waited so long to again start in the first place.

A Husband’s Observation: In the midst of my self-criticism about aging skin, my husband’s gentle comments of love serve as a wake-up call. His statements helping me to acknowledging how hard I am on myself. I realize the need to stop my mental berating. So much easier said than done! I reflect on how I talk to my daughters about their amazing bodies, and it becomes evident I extend a level of love and understanding to them that I withhold from myself, and I wonder why. Why do I not extent that same courtesy to myself?

A Trainers Understanding: While we work, I am stopped in the middle of a set. Our trainer kindly challenges my mindset and thoughts, bringing the hidden knowledge of why I stopped caring for myself correctly in the first place to the surface, reminding me to shun the negative self-talk-- again.

Shifting the Perspective: Unraveling the layers of negative associations with fitness, body, aging, and self, I confront the idea that, for too long, I have viewed working out as a punishment for not meeting societal standards and fear and worry of becoming something I don’t want to become as I age. I realize the need to shift my perspective in order to see this fitness journey as a celebration of my life, my body, my ability, and a way to honor the incredible things it can do.

These are a crucial aspect of self-love. Learning to Love Myself Better: But can I love myself the same way I love others? The question echoes in my mind …for days. Recognizing the disparity between self-love and the love I extend to those around me could become a powerful motivator for change should I choose to use it. Learning to appreciate myself, flaws and all, is an integral part of this life journey if I am to succeed.

As I navigate the twists and turns of this latest, and hopefully last and lasting fitness journey, I am learning it';s not just about transforming my body; it is about transforming my relationship with myself. The wrinkles and the wear tell a story of a life well lived and embracing that is an act of self-love. This journey is not just about fitness, it’s about reclaiming the joy in celebrating my body, my life, and everything that makes me uniquely me. One would think in my nearly 5 decades through this process I would have this one down pat by now! But I don’t, so I am gradually learning to extend the same compassion to myself that I readily offer to others, creating a path towards genuine self-love and acceptance through this life and the constant change we continue to experience.