Many people have heard of the survival responses of fight, flight, or freeze, while most have not heard of the fawn response. This is a survival response where people develop people-pleasing behaviors in order to have a sense of safety and avoid conflict.

Maybe a brief example will help. Have you ever said yes to someone with a smile on your face and meanwhile your nails are digging into your hands. Your stomach tightens. Your toes curl. Can you relate? I sure can.

This response happens when we abandon our own needs, our own thoughts, essentially our own integrity. We “please and appease”.  Conflict, criticism, and disapproval are to be avoided at all costs. We are taught to have this response for survival because being part of a group ensures our survival than if we are alone. Sometimes if we grow up in an environment where we are shamed or take on the role of parent/caregiver we learn to put our needs aside to take care of others around us. Many people who are able to see their own codependency traits are essentially using the fawn response to survive.

Recently, Luis Mojica from “Holistic Life Navigation” did a series on the Fawn Response via email, a live Q and A as well as some videos and podcasts. It was an eyeopener! One of the things he discussed was learning to grow in our capacity to disappoint others. The fear of disappointing others can feel threatening. Our biology kicks in. The heart begins to beat rapidly, adrenaline ramps up, our blood pressure raises.  We can learn to work with this threat in our body. We can learn, it’s okay.  Sometimes we disappoint people and sometimes they disappoint us. Welcome to being human. It felt so helpful when Luis encouraged us to practice working with our bodies to help them to feel safe and grounded when this threat appears.

I highly recommend Luis Mojica’s website for some excellent podcasts not only on the fawn response but how to heal from stress and trauma from a holistic point of view.

https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/podcast