I’ve noticed a dichotomy of experience lately. It seems that people are expanding themselves, thirsty for adventure. Or, contracting, folding themselves in. There are likely many reasons for this. The last two years have created a global encounter with anxiety in ways we have not seen for generations. It seems that event after event has hammered us in waves, not allowing for a second to catch our breath. Yellow journalism and a propensity for catastrophizing can leave anyone, particularly those with a more anxious-leaning personality, feeling tight.

Self-examination & Mental Health

The summer of 2019 I started a hard journey of self-examination. I realized that as I looked over my life, the one theme I could easily pick out was fear. Fear is one of those things that is restricting. It causes the tightening I mentioned. To be clear, fear is not a negative emotion. It has important messages to get across.

Fear becomes an issue when, if you’re like me, you start making every single decision from a place of fear. I wanted that expansion I had seen in the lives of “others.” The truth was, after so many years of habitually choosing the fear and letting it restrict me, I had no clue where this adventure was that people spoke of. How did I get there? This was a question I was so hungry to answer.

Match Your Expectation to Your Action

The expectation I held for myself was disproportionate to the level of action I had proven I was willing to do in years past. This created an internal dialogue of give and take. Big dreams and small plans: “I should move to Africa! Wait, no… that’s too much. Maybe I should start with taking a vacation somewhere I’ve never been?” These conversations were ongoing, and purposefully compassionate. And a whole year went by of me making small, sometimes unconventional, decisions that I had never made before.

I bought a paddleboard against the advisement of some well-meaning, but ultimately misguided people. Who told me I would hit my head and drown somewhere alone. I actually used the paddleboard. I sat my dog right on it and made her adventure with me and I was terrified. What if I really do fall off this thing and hit my head and die somewhere alone? But, surprisingly, against all odds, that didn’t happen. I still have an intact head and my dog still has hers. Then, I stood at the edge of a cliff and thought about jumping off.

When Facing Fear Small Steps (or Jumps) Count

That familiar fear crept up though, and I couldn’t do it. I stood at the top with teenage boys cheering me on, and I turned away from it. I thought I would be humiliated, but it turned out those teenage boys just jumped and moved on, and I was able to, too. I went back to the cliff when I was alone later and stood there, but I couldn’t do it. So, I drove to the bridge, probably 15 feet closer to the water than the cliff. I stood there, terrified even though I had jumped off this very bridge 10 times before with friends, and I couldn’t do it.

In a whirlwind, some youngsters pulled up next to me, stripped down, and jumped off. But, not all of them jumped. One stayed behind, looking at the water, looking at his friends, glancing around, nervous to take the step. I sat there and watched for probably 10 minutes before I looked over and said “Hey, I’m really scared to jump off this bridge, but I bet it will be fun. Do you want to jump with me?” And he said, “I would be honored.”

So, we counted to five, I thought “Okay, God!” and we jumped, and we survived, we swam to shore, high fived, and went our separate ways. I have no idea who he is, or if he remembers, but I bet in that moment he was happy to meet this random girl willing to extend a small part of vulnerability with him. I was open to so many more things after that because the jump that’s lower down is still a jump.

For the Sake of Your Mental Health Keep Going

I was fed up with the safe space I had created and let it become a prison. I let my weight hold me back. Along with my age, my status as a woman, and my intellect. Strengths I had seemed paltry compared to the boundlessness of the universe.

I kept going.

Suddenly my womanhood, my weight, my laugh, and my propensity of being an emotional hurricane, were all very small. So, I climbed mountains, body sledded down them, swam in rivers unprepared, tried and failed utterly to learn to water ski, and decided it was finally time to see if I would fit on a roller coaster (which I did!).

Overcoming Fear & Improving Mental Health Takes Time

But all of this didn’t happen overnight, and even still I find myself addicted to fear, to the horrible “what ifs” and endless possibilities. I continue to make decisions out of fear, defaulting to sometimes what seems like a factory setting of a fallen world. It is odd to live in such fear when I have died to myself a thousand times and yet still go on. I have felt the joy of life leave me and crumpled beneath sorrow. I have done this and been revived.

Almost daily I find myself needing to make a conscious decision for my mental health to let my body uncurl the knot I’ve let tangle inside me. With deep breaths, the support of my community, and purposeful effort, I can live my own version of a fulfilling life. My story exists at the intersection of adventure and anxiety. It’s strange how often those feelings can dance together.

If this resonates with you, know you are not alone. Though your experience is unique, the human experience draws us closer than imaginable. I hope you find the security you need to risk yourself on yourself, even in the smallest ways. It is hard work, but you are worth it. Any of the caring therapists at our Bozeman, MT-based practice would love to hear your stories and be alongside you as you lay the stones for your next adventure. Be well.

Are You Ready to Overcome Your Fear & Support Your Mental Health With Anxiety Counseling in Bozeman, MT?

Many of us, especially those of us with anxiety, make decisions out of fear. Our caring therapists in Bozeman care about you and your mental health. You can get support in overcoming fearful actions at Bridger Peaks Counseling. Get started today by following these steps:

1. Reach out now to speak with a therapist.

2. Make your first appointment at Bridger Peaks Counseling.

3. Start making decisions for your life without fear!

Other Mental Health Services We Offer in Bozeman, Montana

We offer several mental health services at our Bozeman, MT therapy clinic. Inclduing addiction treatment, teen therapy, EMDR therapy and trauma therapy. As well as couples therapy, postpartum depression and anxiety counseling, depression therapy, rising strong workshops, and more. Our caring team of therapists and counselors are here for you and your loved ones!